Follow Me
by Pekenota14
Summary: "I've always respected your wishes and always kept you safe, you know it. But that was only one thing I couldn't fulfill as you asked me. I put on her your name; Kensi Marie Blye Deeks. " Densi, characther death. One-shot.


**I apologize for not uploading my fanfictions in a long time, but finals. After Tuesday, I'll be able to write again.**

**Just came by to leave you this sweet/ angst-y one-shot fanfic! Hope you guys like it!**

**Oh, listen to the song "Follow Me" by Muse when reading this. **

* * *

I awake up with the beam of sunlight entering through the window. There's so much silent in the bedroom. By this time she should be awake already and grumbling for a bottle of milk.

She's just lying there, in the crib, wide awake already, but so quiet and peaceful. Her greyish eyes are focused on the static baby mobile. Her tiny hands grasp the air, trying to reach it and when she knows I'm a wake, she expresses her frustration by grunting.

_When darkness falls__  
And surrounds you__  
When you fall down__  
When you're scared, and you're lost__  
Be brave__  
I'm coming to hold you now__  
When all your strength has gone__  
And you feel wrong__  
Like your life has slipped away_

I learnt the hard way that some things aren't meant to be eternal. But love isn't one of them. The hole left in my heart isn't one of them. There are times when I think I'm not capable of anything. I was never a father; I never had a father role in my life and I'm all alone dealing with life.

When I feel like everything is hopeless I put my eyes on her.

_Follow me, you can follow me__  
And I, I will not desert you now__  
When your fire has died out__  
No one's there, they have left you for dead_

"What is it, baby girl?" I asked, sitting up on the edge of the bed, peering at the crib.

"Dadda, dadda!" She mutters to me more grunts and I get up.

I pick her up in arms and let her reach what she's desperate to grab from the baby mobile. "Uh, what is it?" I say once more, putting a kiss on her head.

She reaches for the photograph that I've hang there, attached by a clip.

_Follow me, you can follow me__  
I will keep you safe__  
Follow me, you can follow__  
I will protect you._

My heart grips and my breath is arrested for a few seconds. It's your photo. The one I've hang in there and every day I tell her: Look, baby, this is mommy. There's going to be a day when she'll ask me about you, and I won't lie.

Once I put the photo on her hands, her gaze changes. It's an affectionate look. It's an admiring look. And she smiles.

_Ooo, I won't let them, harm, harm you__  
Ooo, when, when your heart is breaking_

I sit on bed with her sat on my lap, cuddling mine and her legs with the bed sheets. She holds the photo in hands and so I tell her, as I always do.

"You know who this is? It's-"

"Mum!" She says. "Pwetty mum!"

My heart stops. Our baby girl… she's just… I don't have any words. I just cuddle her close to my chest; put a kiss on her brownish hairs, with my eyes drowned in tears and whisper.

"Yeah, it is. It's mommy. And isn't she pretty?"

"Pwetty. Mum pwetty!" She repeats.

_You can follow me__  
__You can follow me__  
__I will always keep you safe__  
__Follow me__  
__You can trust in me__  
__I will always protect you, my love_

Having a baby was never really in our plans. It wasn't at all in our plans. We had just started dating; we were still trying to figure it out what we were when it happened. As always, you thought you could handle things on your own, you blocked yourself to help and even tried to get away from me until you realized that this baby is part of both of us.

You opened up again and we made the commitment of raising this baby properly, with love and a family. Even though it wasn't planned, we already loved the baby so much. You were much more joyful once you fully embraced the thought of becoming a mother and we were on cloud nine. We had finally figured it out what we were and were we were standing.

And then it happened… one freaking bullet and it all changed.

You were just keeping an eye on the team, sitting inside the van, while we were on the field, ready for any eventuality. Suddenly a bullet tore the air and went to you. Eric immediately asked for help and we tried to get over the mission. But I lost focus when you said you had been shot on the belly.

How could you do that, Kens?

_Deeks was desperate, waiting for news. His partner, his girlfriend, carrying their baby girl, was going to surgery. The doctor came to him and he immediately stood up._

"_What will happen, doctor? How are they?"_

_The man didn't know how to put into words what he was about to say. No matter how many times he delivers bad news, it just never gets easier. "The damages done by the bullet were colossal. We won't be able to save both."_

_Deeks felt his heart aching so much, and he was being forced to make a quick decision. "What you want me to tell you?" He yelled angry and in pain. "I can't choose which one to live!"_

"_Ms. Blye told us on the way to the OR to save the baby girl, no matter what would take."_

_He shook. "What will you do?"_

"_Depends on you. We can only save one of them."_

"_Can I enter the OR for a minute?"_

_The doctor slightly nodded his head and beckoned him to follow him. "Mr. Blye is being prepared for the surgery. You'll have a brief moment to talk with her before she's sedated."_

_Deeks tried to be strong, but his inside was crumbling down. He was a shard, watching Kensi lying in the table, knowing he wouldn't be able to do anything. _

_He grabbed her hand and she told him. "It's my decision, Deeks…I know it's harsh, but…"_

_He couldn't even articulate a word, wheezing. "What… what am I supposed to do? Kens… we can try for a baby another time… I can't lose you…"_

_She shook her head as tears rushed down her face. He had never seen her like that before. "There's no other time. You'll be amazing raising our baby girl... Just don't give her my name."_

"_No, Kens, please…" He pleaded, not holding the tears. "You don't have to do this!"_

"_Sir, we need to sedate her now. Please leave." One nurse said, trying to put him out of the OR room. _

"_Marty…" Kensi breathed, before being sedated. "Love you."_

_Deeks cleaned the tears that rushed down his face and mouthed to her, before her eyes shut. "Love you too…"_

I've always respected your wishes and always kept you safe, you know it. But that was only one thing I couldn't fulfill as you asked me. I put on her your name; Kensi Marie Blye Deeks.

She's beautiful, Kens, and smart. She looks so much like you. I wish you were here to see her, to watch her grow as the days go by. She's one-year-old and she said 'mum' today. Her voice is the sweetest and most beautiful sound I've ever heard. She helps me live through the days, when I miss you, when the days are tougher.

She's everything I have. Even though I was never a dad and didn't have a role model, I think I'm doing pretty well. I learn new things every day. I find myself thinking what your dad must have taught you to make of you the woman I've met, and that's exactly what I'll teach our baby girl.

She'll grow to be as smart, beautiful, strong and independent as you. She's my strengths and my energy. She saves me when I'm scared and lost, so I'll be nothing less than an exceptional father in whom she can always count on.

"I'll always keep you safe; no-one will ever hurt you. Trust dad, I'll always be there, to protect you when you're scared and lost. I'll always protect you, my love…" I say as I kiss her head and snuggle her to me.

She ends up falling asleep again. I lay her down next to me on bed and lie down too.

_Feel my love__  
__Feel my love_


End file.
